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Jamie and I chatted for a minute, then I passed the phone to her. Afterward, I said to Patty, "Hey, you don't like to go out, either. After that, I cut him off entirely and distanced myself from Patty. The one thing that had helped me get over him was the notion that he couldn't have a real physical relationship with anyone. I hired a new therapist, trying to get to the root of the whole twisted experience. Nearly a year later, I heard from friends that they'd broken up. "Jamie is one sick guy," she said when she called back, adding that he would tell her he loved her one minute, then pull away the next. "I wish I'd never met him." Over time, I came to forgive Patty for what I saw as a temporary lapse of sanity. Eventually, I stopped thinking about her role in things altogether—and about Jamie's culpability, too.
You two should talk to each other when I'm not around." I'd handed her the phone on impulse, but on some level, I did want her to get to know Jamie—he was my quasi-boyfriend, after all. After several months of silence, Patty called and said she needed to talk. All along, I'd thought of myself as having been lured into a half-baked attempt at intimacy because Jamie wasn't willing to meet, when in reality, it was me who was afraid to take the relationship further.
"Nope," I said, "I'm satisfied." Then one night, he asked, "What are you wearing? Within six months, we were saying "I love you." I kept meaning to ask when we were going to meet in person, but I also kept putting it off.
" "Well, everything is at the Laundromat, so a pair of boxers, my roommate's 'Virginia Is for Lovers' T-shirt, and black socks," I admitted. Partly, I didn't want to pressure him; partly, I didn't want to risk meeting him and not liking him in person; and partly, I felt vulnerable.
What if this magic chemistry we had Plus, I was free to date anyone I wanted. (I neglected to remind myself that in order for someone to get me, I would have to let him get to me.) A year passed, then two..still, I continued to talk to Jamie every day. Even my therapist got uncharacteristically direct and said he didn't like what was happening. One day, I was in a taxi with my good friend Patty when Jamie called.
But I didn't date anyone else during that period—at least not seriously. Patty was one of the few people who knew the full extent of our connection. She took the phone and talked to him for five minutes, laughing at his jokes. The guy I'd told everything to, with whom I'd entrusted my deepest feelings, had tossed me aside for another faceless romance — with one of my best friends, no less. But in the midst of my anger and confusion came clarity: My relationship with Jamie wasn't real; it never had been.
I think I'll always be evolving in that department.
All I can do is fight the urge to live in a fantasy—so a Jamie can never set up camp in my heart again.
Turns out he was reasonably cute, and really funny. This went on for a couple of weeks until I said, "So, do you want to come to New York for a date? I canceled evening plans more than once just so I could go home, change into my pajamas, and curl up in bed with the phone. At some point, I again broached the subject of meeting with Jamie. It’s a complete turn-off and a recipe for a very dull sex life.That’s why I am going to teach you exactly how to talk dirty to your man with this Dirty Talking Guide so that you can build sexual tension, keep him deeply attracted to you and most importantly so that you have incredible sex.The mere sound of Jamie's voice made my heart thump wildly. He said he'd like nothing more than to meet me but admitted he still felt scared. "You might not be attracted to me." In hindsight, I should have cut and run right then.But I wanted badly to connect with someone, and the truth is, I shared some of his fears.